It’s no secret that it is hard to change old patterns of behavior. Our brains do not like change. It requires them to work and our brains do an amazing job being lazy. We do most things on autopilot. We don’t have to think about breathing or worry about making our hearts beat on time. Once we learn to walk, we don’t have to stress when we want to take a stroll in the park. Our brains just do what they have learned to do and we don’t have to think about it.
It is really incredible that our brains work so well. However, our brain’s powerful abilities can create problems for us when we want to consider changing these automatic responses. Obviously, we normally do not feel the need to change how we breathe or walk but what if you want to change how you react when you are angry? Let’s say that you have gotten to a place in your life where you’ve realized that yelling at your children when you are frustrated isn’t really serving you. How easy is it for you to stop yelling when you get mad?
The answer is NOT easy.
This is because in order for us to change habits, we literally need to rewire our brains. This rewiring process takes time. Most of the time, we give up on our goals too soon. We try something new and we “fail” so we tell ourselves it is impossible for real change to occur. Here’s the thing- every time you attempt to rewire an old neurosynaptic connect that doesn’t serve you anymore you freaking win.
Let’s stick with the example of not wanting to yell at your kids. Let’s say you decide that yelling isn’t something you want to do anymore, so you tell yourself that the next time you feel the urge to yell you’re going to take a deep breath and count to ten. The first time the urge to yell hits, you take a breath but then start screaming five seconds later. Did you fail? It might feel like a failure because you didn’t meet your goal, but I’m going to reframe this as a win. Why? Because you took that breath. Because you worked against the grain and did something different. Because you started the process of creating a new neuropathway in your brain and that is the most important thing.
There is this really big word called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to change and develop throughout our lives. Resent research has shown that the more time you spend creating and using these neurosynaptic connections, the stronger and more reliable these connections will be. So, don’t give up too soon! Give your brain a chance to rewire itself. Be kind to yourself and recognize the small victories when you attempt to change a behavior. Practice the art of allowing yourself to “fail” because, really, that small failure is a huge win.