If you’ve never contemplated the concept of sexual liberation before, it begins with sexual empowerment. What exactly is sexual empowerment, you ask? Sexual empowerment, in my definition, is the act of becoming confident in all aspects of who you are as a sexual being: your sexual rights and the rights of others, possessing bodily autonomy, engaging in consensual sexual acts that are informed by your pleasure and the pleasure of your partner(s), and exploring different facets of your sexual identity and interests without fear of shame or judgment.

I recognize that it is a journey to fully achieve sexual empowerment, but it’s a journey worth embarking upon. So, where should you begin? First, let yourself become acquainted with sex-positive material with a wide range of topics (I’ve shared a couple of resources at the end of the post). Explore without judgment as best as you can because some things might really resonate with you, but others just might not, but that doesn’t mean they won’t resonate with other people.

The following are steps you can take that will allow you to broaden your sexual horizons and reach sexual empowerment:

1) Embrace a New Beginning: First and foremost, you must toss out your old sexual narrative and start anew with a fresh sex-positive outlook. Approach all things sexual with an open mind, ready to receive new ideas. This can feel scary at first, but the beauty is that you can go at your own pace. Gauge your level of comfort first by simply talking about what you’re hoping to find mentally, physically, and emotionally from the sexual connections you will form with not only others, but with yourself. If you haven’t yet found people you feel safe discussing this with, then journal. Write down your feelings around intimacy, what you know about sex and if you are willing to challenge beliefs that don’t feel authentic to you, what you know about consent AND rejection, how you feel about your body, and what your emotional and physical connections with others look like and how they make you feel. Be honest with yourself because the only way to foster a sex positive attitude is by recognizing where shame around sex and sexuality derive from, which leads into the next step.

2) Process Through Past Sexual Struggles/Trauma: I’m not going to sugarcoat it. This step is HARD. Honestly, I’m not speaking out of bias here, but seeing a therapist is the most helpful way to overcome blockages pertaining to sex, especially in instances where you have experienced sexual abuse or trauma. Sexual trauma is not solely the result of assault, rape, or physical contact at all–it also stems from a lack of sexual education, harmful religious teachings promoting shame, purity culture, unrealistic expectations, and traditionalist views, and societal norms that are outdated and damaging. Talking to a trained mental health professional is key to addressing these very (sadly) common issues that stand in the way of a person creating a healthy sexual mindset.

3) Cultivate Self-Love, Self-Exploration, and Body Acceptance: This is where the fun begins! If you are truly seeking to empower yourself as a sexual being, it all begins with you, your body, your mind, and your needs and desires. This step requires first becoming fully in-tune with what you like and dislike—from your turn-ons and turn-offs to the traits you value in a partner to the kinds of materials, toys, touches, forms of sexual play in which you feel most comfortable and satisfied engaging—so there’s a lot it encompasses! However, the key is that it all begins with you. It is perfectly natural (and honestly, better) to take baby steps here. Get to know your own body intimately. Rev up your sexual imagination first. Provide yourself with a safe space to see which sexual thoughts conjure up the most desire for you and go from there. Explore masturbation, but know that the sole goal is NOT to achieve orgasm (that’s the cherry on top!); rather, keep in mind, that sex—even solo sex—can be an experience filled with fun and possibilities. Touch your WHOLE body and not just your genitals, explore yourself, and just take it slow and follow the natural rhythm of your body.

4) Connect with a Supportive Community: Surrounding yourself with others who have adopted or are in the progress of adopting a sex positive mindset is vital. Identify those around you who are a safe space for talking about everything under the sexual umbrella. This move allows for you to become vulnerable, to rid yourself of the fear of the unknown, and to make space for acquiring knowledge that can empower you as a sexual being. Hopefully once your sex positive crew is established, there will be no filters, and everyone will be free to converse about their experiences in and out of the bedroom.

5) Discover and Enhance Your Skills: This step comes later than the others because it’s the one that requires the most confidence, comfort, communication, consent, and safety. Once you reach this point, you are feeling ecstatic about freely exploring because your relationship with yourself is strong and you understand how to create healthy boundaries with others. This can be the moment when you attempt sexual positions that might have seemed intimidating before or when you introduce a brand-new sex toy into the mix. Anything goes! If you’re being safe and having fun, the bedroom (or wherever you choose!) is your sexual oyster!

6) Prioritize Your Sexual Health, Needs, and Happiness: Life can be draining sometimes, and our sexual needs tend to take a backseat when stressors arise, which is natural. However, neglecting your sexual health and desires can actually increase that stress. Therefore, it’s necessary to be in touch with what you need. Ask yourself: Do I need to schedule a pap smear or get tested for STIs, would connecting with my partner intimately help me decompress, would masturbating help alleviate some of my stress, is the sex I’ve been having fulfilling and if not, why not and how can I change it? We often forgot how powerful connecting to our sexual selves can be in improving our overall health and well-being. Don’t let it fall by the wayside.

Here are some resources to get you started on your sexual empowerment adventure:

Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer – Empowering book that guides women through rediscovering pleasure.
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – Fantastic read that explores partnered and solo sexual relationships and gets into the science behind sex
Sex with Emily (Podcast & Website) – Informative and entertaining site and podcast hosted by the phenomenal Dr. Emily Morse
OMG Yes (omgyes.com) – Website focused on promoting sexual pleasure for women that use simulations, videos, and graphics

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